This time, the pain and humiliation have taught me something: restoration is impossible. There is no simple redemption to be found at ground zero. Original states are, by definition, lost in time. I begin to doubt whether or not there ever was a stable entity of ‘me’ to try and restore. Beyond that, I’m not sure that I care anymore.
Look back at my “Sermon Under the Mount”—many ask: how am I now? I have ripped my map to shreds and turned my back on the mountain. Life is not a goddess of truth and light, She is a Kali-like dark bitch with blood dripping from her talons.
My most hated Nietzsche quote is “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” It’s true, but only a fascist thinks that ‘stronger’ is better.
I have abandoned all efforts at reconstruction. In fact, I have abandoned reasoned analysis. Transformation will occur organically as a result of satisfying my needs as they arise. Fuck the past and fuck the future.
I am born-again as an asshole.